Could the changing weather be playing a part in my depression?

Could the changing weather be playing a part in my depression? I feel like since the end of October I've just been depressed and I can't shake it. It's like when the weather started to change, so did my mood. I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. I didn't even feel like going to get my nails done a couple weeks ago and that is definitely not like me. I love getting my nails done!

I would rather lay in bed and sleep than get up and do something. I have no motivation at all. I don't even want to be sitting here posting but I am forcing myself to do it anyway. 

A few weeks ago, this guy that I was talking to and really liked decided he wanted to work things out with his ex. Things with us were going great so it was a huge slap in the face so I think that's part of why I started to get depressed. Usually when things like that happen, I bounce back within a few days  and I get over it but I feel like I just keep getting more depressed even after I stopped worrying about what's his name.

Not having a job right now is not helping at all. I have nothing to do with my day. I have a mountain of laundry that needs to be put away and another pile of clothes that need to be washed but it's like I just don't care enough to do it. I just lay in bed and stare at it.

After Thanksgiving, I usually get super excited for Christmas. I get so excited to put up decorations and buy Christmas presents for my friends and family but I'm having a really hard time getting in the spirit this year. 

Yesterday, I wanted to help my Mom put up Christmas decorations even though I wasn't really feeling it. I attempted to put together our little Christmas tree but I lost my patience pretty quickly. I ended up giving up and locking myself in my bedroom instead. I sat on my bed and cried and hated life and everything for about an hour. Over a Christmas tree? Yeah, that's what depression does to you. 

If it was warmer outside, I think that would definitely help lift my mood but it's December. It's cold and today it just happens to be raining. 

Depression sucks. No one deserves to hate life but when you're depressed, sometimes you do. It's frustrating when you know you're depressed, but there's not much you can do about it. Sure, you can force yourself to go out and make plans, or get up and do your laundry but depression won't just go away. I know mine won't. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in 2 weeks. I'm sure he'll increase my medicine or add another medicine so I'm hoping that helps!

5 Things That Help With Depression

I have dealt with depression and bipolar disorder since I was in middle school (I'm 21 years old now). Below is a list of 5 things that help me with my depression and mood swings.

1. Listen to music. Music is like therapy to me. There is always a song that fits the mood I'm in. When I'm sad I will play one of my favorite slow songs and I will sing to the top of my lungs! If I'm having guy problems, there is always a song the describes how I feel.

2. Go for a ride. When I'm depressed or have a lot on my mind one of my favorite things to do is to ride around on the back roads. I live in the country where there are a lot of farms and corn fields so sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere and it's really nice. If you live in a city, this might not be as relaxing for you. Maybe you're one of those people that loves the city life so this might work for you. By the way, this is usually when listening to music comes in handy! Crank up the volume! 

3. Make plans. One thing that really helps me when I'm depressed is to make plans. Make plans to go out with your friends! When I make plans, I have something to look forward to. When I don't feel like getting out of bed, looking forward to something takes the edge off of depression. I feel like I'm not as depressed if I have something to look forward to!

4. Go out to eat. When I'm depressed and feeling like the whole world is against me, I love to go out to eat to my favorite restaurant. It's usually Applebee's! When I'm mad at the world, I always crave Applebee's boneless hot wings! As soon as they hit my mouth, it's like I'm in heaven! The taste just makes me so happy!

5. Take a bubble bath. I can sit in a nice, relaxing bubble bath for hours! I can just sit there and forget about the world...or cry if I need to! I always turn on Pandora (music) when I'm in the bathtub. It makes me feel so much better!

This is a list of activities that help me. They might not work for everyone!

 

Birth Control and Depression Part 2

I haven't posted since February. My last blog post was about birth control and how it increased depression, bipolar, etc. Since then I have tried the Paraguard IUD and once again I was not happy with it.

Unlike other birth control, this IUD didn't have any hormones in it so I figured it was worth trying. I think I had the IUD for about a month before I decided to take it out. The entire time I had it, I had the worse cramps. They were worse than menstrual cramps. So, I do not recommend an IUD.

 I started seeing a new doctor and so I explained to her my problem with birth control. She told me about this one birth control that didn't have as much hormone in it so it might not interfere with my moods. It's only 85% effective but once again I figured it was worth a shot.

By the second day of taking it I was already having mood swings. I was going from one extreme to the next. Yeah, I know I just about do this every day even without birth control but now it was worse.


 I've been taking the pill now for 5 days and guess what? I'm not happy with it. The littlest things are making me feel like I could punch someone in the face. I couldn't find something in my purse and you probably would have thought the world was ending. I went from being mellow and chilled out to extremely pissed off and ready to fight in a matter of seconds....over something so stupid.




I have also noticed that I've been in a depressed kind of mood for a few days. I'm not really sad about anything but I'm not very cheerful, and I'm not in the mood to be around people. I hate it. I hate birth control.

Now I have to decide whether or not I want to stick it out for another month or 2 to see if it improves (I highly doubt this is going to happen.) or if I just want to throw the pills away right now and be done with it. I'm going to be bipolar with or without the pills but just how shitty do I really want to feel?  I hate this and wish I could just be "normal" for a change but once again I am reminded how challenging my life really is. But I do know it could be a lot worse. It's just hard to look at it that way sometimes.

Birth Control and Depression

I'm not really sure if a lot of people read my blogs but I still try to post whenever I get time or whenever I need to vent. I've posted before about my experience with depression, anxiety, etc. I have recently just figured out something that could of helped me a long time ago. If you're a dude, this post does not pertain to you and won't help you out any. If you are someone that feels uncomfortable reading about personal information then you probably shouldn't read this.

Birth control makes your depression and mood swings worse! Now, I'm not saying it is the cause of why you are depressed but it definitely does not help.

 Several months ago I asked my psychiatrist if my depression and mood swings could be hormone related. He told me if I was an older women he would consider it but he didn't think that had anything to do with it. I then got to thinking about birth control and why women take a pill or insert a device inside their body that releases hormones. Why put something in your body if it's not suppose to be there? Yeah I get that you take that stuff so you don't get pregnant but it's still weird to think about. So then I got the idea that maybe all the extra hormones being put in my body is what's causing me to be "crazy". And I say crazy because some days that's exactly how I feel. So back in October I went off the pill for two months. I felt better than I had in a long time. I still had my days when I was depressed or emotional but it wasn't near as bad as it was when I was on the pill. 

  I then I got worried that I was going to get pregnant so I decided to go back on it. Within two weeks, I was going crazy again. I felt like I was losing my mind. It was terrible. After that I had finally had enough. After that month I wasn't taking the pill anymore. I told my doctor about what had been going on and she told me  that I should not be on birth control anymore for the rest of my life. Those words really scared me. I would have to be super super careful from then on. It was either feel insane 100% of the time or take the risk of getting knocked up. (and no I'm not that girl that spreads her legs every chance she gets but we all know things happen. Especially when you find the right person.) 

I am in no way shape or form telling you that you need to stop taking your birth control. If you think there is a problem with your pills you need to talk to your doctor. There might be other options for you. But if you are like me and have been dealing with depression and severe mood swings, this might be something to think about. Some women might not even realize birth control can do this to you but it can! I feel a little weird putting this much of my personal life on the internet where everyone can see it but if it helps another young lady then it's worth it. That's why I started this blog. I want to help people. 

If you have read this post and feel the need to give me the sex talk about condoms and why birth control is important, don't waste your time. I'm old enough to know about that mess. I don't need someone to lecture me about it whether it be friends, family, or some random person that googled birth control! Thanks for reading! :)

My Depression/Bipolar Story

For those who may, or may not know, I have dealt with depression, and bipolar disorder since I was in middle school. I started this blog to share my ups and downs with diabetes, depression, bipolar disorder and other medical problems that I deal with but mainly I have talked about diabetes. My dream is to help other people who have been severely depressed and other people that have to deal with other mental illnesses. I think the only way to do that is to tell my story and my ENTIRE story (wow, hands are sweating already because I'm so nervous about doing this). If you are going to read this, and then judge me, you might want to stop reading now.


When I was in 3rd grade, my brother developed severe anxiety. It pretty much took over his life. I was very angry at the fact that this happened to him. It wasn't just his life that changed, but our family life too. Back then, I didn't notice a change but thinking back now, my mental health started to change when I was in the 6th grade.

 In November of my 6th grade year, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This was a HUGE change for me. I think it was shortly after that, I became most angry. I remember getting so mad sometimes that I felt like I couldn't control it. The only thing that made me feel even a tiny bit better was to throw stuff. I would throw my hair brush, and beat my bedroom walls until they were covered in dents and scream and cry for hours. Over the years, I broke A LOT of mirrors. That stuff seems minor but by the time I was done my 6th grade year of middle school, I was self- harming (this is the part that I am nervous about opening up about).  For some reason, hurting myself on the outside made me feel better on the inside. I did this on and off for years.

When I started high school, I started seeing a therapist. I had hoped after seeing a therapist and getting on the right medication, I would feel better. I was put on medicine for anxiety and it helped that part but I was still severely depressed. It got to the point where I wasn't sure if what I was thinking or feeling was even normal. I had been so miserable for years that it became my normal.
When I was 15, I ended up in an outpatient facility because I was having suicidal thoughts. I went to this place 8 hours a day for 7-10 days. This was the most awful experience of my life. This place was suppose to help me get better. The people there were suppose to make sure I got therapy and got on the right medication. While I was there, I heard a lady tell an 11 year old boy that he was going to hell because he liked other boys. I was also told that if I ever acted on my suicidal thoughts, that I was going to hell too. Thank God my parents took me out of there early but none of my problems were solved. I was still depressed and had crazy mood swings.

To this day, the littlest things will set me off. I went from being very happy with a lot of energy to very angry within a matter of seconds. I still get angry like that at least once a day or once every other day. It will be something as little as me burning pancakes that will set me off (I promise you this really happened). This might sound crazy and you readers are probably thinking, "Ok, so what? Everyone gets a little frustrated when they burn breakfast." But when I get mad, I can't control it. When I get angry, I feel like someone else has taken over my body. It's like it is someone else that's dropping f-bombs or slamming the burnt skillet into the sink.

So, anyway, the rest of high school I was still depressed. After graduation is when things got worse. I had no motivation to do anything. I would avoid making plans with my friends and I was sad and lonely every day. The suicidal thoughts started coming more frequently and I would even think about different ways to end my life. I was starting to scare myself. After losing two of my best friends to suicide, something went off in my head that told me I needed help. I went to one therapist for awhile who then told me I needed to see a psychiatrist to get medication. Since then, I have been prescribed many combinations of medication to see what works best for me. I also see a therapist as often as possible. With my busy schedule it's usually only been every couple of weeks but I would really benefit from going once a week.

It took losing 2 friends to suicide, and hitting the lowest of lows for me to get help. When you get as depressed as I was, it is scary. It is the most scary, and miserable place to be. I honestly have no idea how I made it through. Where did I find the strength to get help? I told MYSELF I needed help...there was no one else there to tell me I needed help. I did it all on my own.

I am in a much better place now than I use to be. I still struggle daily but not nearly as bad as I use to. Hopefully, as long as I keep going to my psychiatrist and therapist like I'm suppose to, I will stay on the right path to a brighter outlook on life. 

There is so much truth in this...

This is exactly how I feel. I want to be the reason diabetics continue to fight every day for their health. I want people that have struggled with depression, and bipolar disorder to look at me and think, "This girl never gave up trying so either will I."

Falling behind....

So as a lot if you have probably noticed I haven't blogged in a LONG time! I'm not sure why I'm falling behind but I'm going to try to start blogging again. It's something I really enjoy doing...I love helping other diabetics or at least give others the peace of mind knowing there are other people with Type 1 diabetes. I also want to start talking a lot about my struggle with depression, and bipolar disorder. So keep checking in for more updates! :)