This sh*t is getting old!

It's been about 2 mionths since I started the process of getting an insulin pump. I had hoped I would have it by Thanksgiving but Thanksgiving has come and gone and I still don't have an insulin pump. I feel like the people that were helping me get approved for an insulin pump have given up. The last time I contacted someone about the status of my pump was on November 21 and I still have not heard back from anyone.

 Today, I finally sent out an email trying to figure out what the hell is going on!!!! This whole process should not be this damn difficult! The insurance company has all the doctor's documents that proves I would benefit from having an insulin pump but I still get denied. The only reason I could really think of as to why insurance hasn't approved me yet is because my last insulin pump is still under warranty.

 I even talked to someone about how often I can get a new pump and they told me every 2 years. Well guess what??? It had been 2 years in September since I got a new insulin pump. The insurance company even has documentation of all the times my Omnipod malfunctioned but I STILL CANT GET APPROVED! This is really getting old.

 I am tired of taking time out of my day to give myself insulin injections. I am tired of the multiple bruises on my stomach. I am tired of making sure I take my lantus before I go to bed. It would be nice if I could go to bed at 7pm if I wanted. But I can't. I have to stay awake until at least 9 to take my lantus. Ugh.  I am just tired of having diabetes all together but an insulin pump would make my life so  much easier!

I love pizza but my blood sugar does not!

Anyone who has diabetes knows that pasta, pizza, bread, etc. will make your blood sugar skyrocket! When I was learning how to count carbs I was taught that a slice of pizza is about 30g of carbs. That's not completely wrong but it's not exactly right either. A small slice of pizza is probably 30g of carbs. If you go out to a restaurant and order a slice of pizza it's usually a large slice! So most likely when you order a slice of pizza it's going to be about 40-50g of carbs.

 For a while I would count 30g of carbs for a slice of Dominos pizza because their slices aren't that big. I knew for a fact I was counting those carbs correctly but my blood sugar would still spike even after I gave myself the proper amount of insulin. So, what I started doing when I eat foods that are high in carbs and starch is I add extra insulin or I count carbs higher than they actually are so I get more insulin.

This brings me to the next problem... when you eat pizza, pasta, etc. you are most likely going to use A LOT of insulin. Maybe it's just me. Maybe other diabetics react differently to these foods. I had 2 large slices of pizza for dinner. I counted each slice as 40g of carbs so all together that's 80g of carbs. Now, my carb to insulin ratio is 1 unit of insulin to every 6g of carbs. I ended up giving myself 13 units. That seems like a lot to me.

 On top of that I had a glass of milk (pizza and milk do not go together but I'm on this medicine that I have to mix with my drink and it's pretty disgusting) so by the time I took my shot I had to take 17 units of insulin.

Now every diabetic is different. One diabetic's blood sugar may not spike as high as mine does when they eat pizza. Some diabetics are on insulin pumps which makes controlling blood sugars easier. But for me pizza does not like me at all! I took a ton of insulin and I'm pretty sure my blood sugar is still going to be high in an hour or so. I can almost bet money on it. The obvious thing to do would be to stop eating pizza. Yeah that makes sense but I'm allowed to cheat every now and then right? :)

Just one thing I hate about having diabetes...

There are many things i hate about having diabetes but just one of those things is eating when I'm not hungry. I haven't eaten since 6am and it's now almost 1:30pm. I was not hungry whatsoever. But I know if I didn't eat my blood sugar was going to go low. I had to force myself to eat a ham sandwich. Of course since I was forcing myself to eat I felt sick. If I wasn't a diabetic I wouldn't of had to eat. I could of skipped lunch like a "normal" person and just eat later when I was actually hungry. It really isn't that big of a deal but who really likes to force themselves to eat? Ok, I'm done complaining now. :) 

What I really want for Christmas is......

So I have been doing a lot of thinking about what to get people for Christmas and what I should tell family that I want for Christmas. If I could have anything in the world I would really love for Santa to bring my an insulin pump. Ok maybe in a dream world I would ask for a million dollars but realistically I want an insulin pump. I thought I would have it by Thanksgiving but its almost 7:30pm on Thanksgiving and my insulin pump is not here! I do not understand why the insurance company won't approve me for a pump. Having a pump would make my life so much easier in so many ways. If I had several thousand dollars I would just buy the damn thing myself but unfortunately that's not possible. ugh....maybe by Christmas I will have one! Keeping my fingers crossed...

What NOT to say to a diabetic!!!

This girl hit it head on! This is just a few of the STUPID things diabetics hear and get asked.

http://diabetesawarenesssite.com/what-not-to-say-to-diabetics/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=dbsaware&utm_campaign=what-not-to-say-to-diabetics&utm_term=201311
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Nick Jonas has Type 1 Diabetes?!

A few years ago, I heard that Nick Jonas from The Jonas Brothers, has type 1 Diabetes. I always get super excited when I meet or hear about other type 1 diabetics so when I heard that Nick had it, I was pretty excited because someone famous has the same disease I do! 

I was never really a fan of The Jonas Brothers. I just thought it was cool that one of the band members has diabetes. I haven't really paid much attention to Nick Jonas besides when he came out about having diabetes, until recently. 

After seeing how manly and grown up he is now, I am a HUGE fan! It's not just because of his looks. There are a few of his songs that I think are amazing! I'm obsessed with his song, Jealous! Above, is his Jealous music video. I tried putting it below but it wouldn't work for some reason!



I really look up to him. He still manages to be successful, workout (just look at his body!), and manage his diabetes. I think that's pretty awesome!

One day I would love to talk diabetes with Nick Jonas! That would be the highlight of my life...I better keep dreaming! 

My Depression/Bipolar Story

For those who may, or may not know, I have dealt with depression, and bipolar disorder since I was in middle school. I started this blog to share my ups and downs with diabetes, depression, bipolar disorder and other medical problems that I deal with but mainly I have talked about diabetes. My dream is to help other people who have been severely depressed and other people that have to deal with other mental illnesses. I think the only way to do that is to tell my story and my ENTIRE story (wow, hands are sweating already because I'm so nervous about doing this). If you are going to read this, and then judge me, you might want to stop reading now.


When I was in 3rd grade, my brother developed severe anxiety. It pretty much took over his life. I was very angry at the fact that this happened to him. It wasn't just his life that changed, but our family life too. Back then, I didn't notice a change but thinking back now, my mental health started to change when I was in the 6th grade.

 In November of my 6th grade year, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This was a HUGE change for me. I think it was shortly after that, I became most angry. I remember getting so mad sometimes that I felt like I couldn't control it. The only thing that made me feel even a tiny bit better was to throw stuff. I would throw my hair brush, and beat my bedroom walls until they were covered in dents and scream and cry for hours. Over the years, I broke A LOT of mirrors. That stuff seems minor but by the time I was done my 6th grade year of middle school, I was self- harming (this is the part that I am nervous about opening up about).  For some reason, hurting myself on the outside made me feel better on the inside. I did this on and off for years.

When I started high school, I started seeing a therapist. I had hoped after seeing a therapist and getting on the right medication, I would feel better. I was put on medicine for anxiety and it helped that part but I was still severely depressed. It got to the point where I wasn't sure if what I was thinking or feeling was even normal. I had been so miserable for years that it became my normal.
When I was 15, I ended up in an outpatient facility because I was having suicidal thoughts. I went to this place 8 hours a day for 7-10 days. This was the most awful experience of my life. This place was suppose to help me get better. The people there were suppose to make sure I got therapy and got on the right medication. While I was there, I heard a lady tell an 11 year old boy that he was going to hell because he liked other boys. I was also told that if I ever acted on my suicidal thoughts, that I was going to hell too. Thank God my parents took me out of there early but none of my problems were solved. I was still depressed and had crazy mood swings.

To this day, the littlest things will set me off. I went from being very happy with a lot of energy to very angry within a matter of seconds. I still get angry like that at least once a day or once every other day. It will be something as little as me burning pancakes that will set me off (I promise you this really happened). This might sound crazy and you readers are probably thinking, "Ok, so what? Everyone gets a little frustrated when they burn breakfast." But when I get mad, I can't control it. When I get angry, I feel like someone else has taken over my body. It's like it is someone else that's dropping f-bombs or slamming the burnt skillet into the sink.

So, anyway, the rest of high school I was still depressed. After graduation is when things got worse. I had no motivation to do anything. I would avoid making plans with my friends and I was sad and lonely every day. The suicidal thoughts started coming more frequently and I would even think about different ways to end my life. I was starting to scare myself. After losing two of my best friends to suicide, something went off in my head that told me I needed help. I went to one therapist for awhile who then told me I needed to see a psychiatrist to get medication. Since then, I have been prescribed many combinations of medication to see what works best for me. I also see a therapist as often as possible. With my busy schedule it's usually only been every couple of weeks but I would really benefit from going once a week.

It took losing 2 friends to suicide, and hitting the lowest of lows for me to get help. When you get as depressed as I was, it is scary. It is the most scary, and miserable place to be. I honestly have no idea how I made it through. Where did I find the strength to get help? I told MYSELF I needed help...there was no one else there to tell me I needed help. I did it all on my own.

I am in a much better place now than I use to be. I still struggle daily but not nearly as bad as I use to. Hopefully, as long as I keep going to my psychiatrist and therapist like I'm suppose to, I will stay on the right path to a brighter outlook on life. 

Endocrinologist appointment!!!

I went to my endocrinologist the other day. I don't really have anything too exciting to say about it. My A1C was 7.3. That's not too bad but It's higher then it was 3 months ago. Back in August my A1C was 6.9! I was so proud of myself but lately I have been slacking. I have been eating A LOT of junk and that needs to stop! I think I would have better control if I could get an insulin pump...ugh that's a whole other story.
I have posted about this whole pump situation before but for anyone that doesn't know the insurance company has denied me an insulin pump THREE TIMES! I have been told 3 times that insurance won't cover an insulin pump BUT at my endo appointment the other day they told me they had an approval number from when I was approved.. so which is it??? Was I approved or not??? I tried calling the insurance company today about it but was ready to pull my hair out because all I got was recordings. Can I speak with a REAL person please?! Talking to a frickin recording isn't getting me anywhere! Hopefully I will have better luck tomorrow... Keeping my fingers crossed that all this mess gets straightened out soon!

There is so much truth in this...

This is exactly how I feel. I want to be the reason diabetics continue to fight every day for their health. I want people that have struggled with depression, and bipolar disorder to look at me and think, "This girl never gave up trying so either will I."

What are the chances that my kids will have diabetes?

One question that I always wonder about is, "Will my kids end up having diabetes?" The thought of that happening scares me! I have enough trouble taking care of myself. How could I possibly make sure my kids' blood sugar is where it's suppose to be and make sure they took their insulin? I see how much my parents worry about my blood sugar when I'm sick, etc. They don't worry as much now that I'm older but when I was a teenager they worried A LOT. How in the world would I be able to afford to take care of myself plus another diabetic. I am probably thinking too much into this but this is my reality. It is very possible that at least one of my children will have diabetes. I pray they don't but it could happen. I would really like to know what the chances of that happening are. I know how difficult it is to live with this disease so I really do not want my kids to have to deal with it. I know if this happens I will some how find a away to deal with it but it's scary just to think about it. :-c

Feeling guilty...

The longer I've been on insulin shots, the more I realize how much easier my life would be with an insulin pump. I went to dinner tonight with a friend and of course I didn't want to interrupt dinner to excuse myself to take my shot so my blood sugar ended up going high because I waited so long to give myself insulin. If I had a pump the only thing I would have to do is push a couple buttons and the insulin would be delivered. But of course the process of getting an insulin pump is being made more difficult then it has to be. I have really been slacking on the care of my diabetes because I don't feel like pulling out my needles every time I eat, or decide to snack on junk food. I really don't want to know what my A1C is going to be when I go back to my endocrinologist..ugh...I'm such a bad diabetic.. :( I'm starting to feel a little guilty about the way I'm taking care of myself. *sigh* .___.

This really shouldn't be this difficult!

I'm really frustrated with my doctor, the diabetes educator and the people at the pump company. Two or three months ago I filled out paper work for an insulin pump. A couple weeks later I got a phone call saying the insurance company had approved it and I wouldn't have to pay anything out of pocket and it would be shipped the following week. Weeks went by and there was no insulin pump. Come to find out the insurance company needed more info from my doctor. They needed a reason why my last insulin pump didn't work for me. We filled out more paperwork. A week or so later I got a phone call from the diabetes educator that works with my doctor and she said I had been approved. She gave me the contact information for a pump rep. All this time I have been emailing a guy that is a pump rep for the whole eastern shore. I told him what the educator said and to get my pump shipped he needed an approval letter or some sort of documentation from the insurance company verifying that they had approved it. The one person that would have those documents is the diabetes educator since she is the One that called me and said I was approved...but do you think she had it? No. After a couple days of not hearing anything I emailed the pump guy that's in charge of the eastern shore. Come to find out the insurance company needs records of my blood sugars before they can approve me for my pump. Why have I been told TWICE that I was approved when I really wasn't?!?! Why do these people insist on getting me excited by telling me I can get an insulin pump when really they have no f****** clue? It is so aggravating. And I bet if I hadn't been staying in contact with everyone I would of never known any of this. This is a big load of BS. I've gotten so excited because I think my insulin pump is on its way but really we have no idea if I can even get one yet. Ugh!!!!

Insulin Pump???

I mentioned the other day that I was trying to get a new insulin. The insurance company denied it saying they need more information. Well, I gave them all the info they wanted over a week ago and I have not heard anything. Those that know me, know that I am NOT a patient person whatsoever! I have emailed 2 people in the last few days trying to figure out what's going on and do you think I have heard anything???...of course not. One of these people is a pharmaceutical rep for the Eastern Shore. I don't know who the other lady is but she is the one that submitted an appeal to my insurance company so if anyone knows what's going on with the insurance company it would be her but of course no reply from her either.
The last few months I have been doing insulin injections and that's fine but I am starting to see how an insulin pump would make my life so much easier again! The very first insulin pump I had was Medtronic and I should have just stayed with that one... but then I came across the Omnipod which I thought was going to be the best thing for me but that turned into a POS! Ugh...live and learn I guess.
It's just very frustrating trying to do the right thing to better control your diabetes but insurance and the insulin pump companies make it so difficult! Praying the I hear something soon! :)

Check out this App!

Just like any other young adult I'm constantly using my phone....I'm a snapchat, Twitter, Facebook, Instagramming fanatic! So of course when I find an app that helps me control my diabetes is amazing! It's called Carbs and Cals. It is great for carb counting! It doesn't measure portion size by asking how many cups of corn did you have...it shows pictures! There will be a picture of a large plate and there will be different pictures with different amounts of corn in each picture (I'm just using corn as an example). I'm going to try to upload some screen shots to explain better how it works. I could just do a video but I'm not sure I'm ready to record myself yet! Lol. There's an option called "My Foods" and you can program any of your favorite foods in there so you can always have the amount of carbs on hand! You can also scan bar codes, and from the bar code the app will find your food in the data base. I haven't used this feature much but it's still pretty cool! The only thing about this app is that it costs about $5.00. I was a little hesitant on buying it but I figured I would use it a lot and if it helps ne have better control on my blood sugars then it's definitely worth it! This app isn't just for diabetics! If you are on a diet and you have to count calories or carbs then it will also be a huge help to you! Now, let me see if I can upload some pictures of the app...

Here is what the list of categories looks like. The picture doesn't show all of them...there are more! It's pretty cool because you can search by brand name, what kind of food you are looking for like fruits, vegetables, or bread.

I honestly think this is the coolest part of the app! This is how the app measures portion size! Who in their right mind wants to go through the trouble measuring out a cup of peas, etc. Once you figure out which portion size you had you click on it and add it to your meal. It's pretty simple!

I hope this app helps other diabetics with their carb counting and other people that are looking to count carbs and calories! FYI... I'm wearing my "Insulin Powered" t-shirt today! :)

Insurance companies are a pain in the a**!

I think a while ago I mentioned something about having an omnipod...maybe I didn't...I don't remember...but anyways I used the omnipod for a little over a year and I hated it. For those that don't know what the omnipod is, it is an insulin pump that doesn't have tubing. At first, I thought the omnipod was the greatest thing. Not having a wire to get tangled up in everything was amazing...but that's about the only good thing about it. It was so bulky! When I wore it under clothing it looked like a had some kind of growth coming off my stomach or wherever I decided to wear it. At least once a week I would get a pod (holds the insulin, attaches to skin) error which meant something went wrong with the pod and I would have to change it...once you fill a pod with insulin there is no way to get the insulin out... So when you throw a pod away you are throwing away insulin...so sometimes I would be wasting 200+ units of insulin because of these pod errors! Other times, the canula would come out from under my skin and I wouldn't get any notice at all so my blood sugar would sky rocket! So after dealing with that for months I decided enough was enough. I stopped using the omnipod and went back to insulin injections. I've been on injections for probably 4 months or so but I really want another insulin pump but I WILL NOT go back to the omnipod. I applied for an accucheck insulin pump but the insurance company denied it! Ugh! There was more info the insurance company wanted so I sent that stuff over about a week ago but still haven't heard anything. I am getting very impatient! My life would be so much easier with a pump! I am keeping my fingers crossed that hopefully I will hear something very soon!

Falling behind....

So as a lot if you have probably noticed I haven't blogged in a LONG time! I'm not sure why I'm falling behind but I'm going to try to start blogging again. It's something I really enjoy doing...I love helping other diabetics or at least give others the peace of mind knowing there are other people with Type 1 diabetes. I also want to start talking a lot about my struggle with depression, and bipolar disorder. So keep checking in for more updates! :)

College Life with Diabetes

It has been MONTHS since I have posted anything! I have been busy working and going to school so blogging has been on the back burner for a while. College life with diabetes is kinda difficult. On the days I have class, I have to be at the college by 8:30am. I usually eat breakfast around 7 or 7:30. After breakfast, I don't eat again until about 11:00. That doesn't seem like a long time but when you have diabetes it is a long time. My blood sugar usually drops around 10:00. It's a pain because I have to make sure I have snacks with me at all times or money so I can get something from the vending machine. I use my dexcom sensor all day but to make sure it is reading accurately, I have to check my blood sugar in between classes. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal but when you only have 5-10 minutes between each of your classes and you have to walk what feels like a mile to each class, it is. It gets to be time consuming. Every day, I have to make sure I pack my lunch or have money to buy my lunch at the cafe. A "normal" person would just wait until they get home at 1:00 (that's what time my classes end) to eat. No big deal. I can't do that. My life revolves around making sure my blood sugar stays where it's suppose to be and making sure I eat when I need to. College life is busy anyway but when you add diabetes to the mix, it feels like it gets 10 times more busy.
When I'm studying and working on homework, I usually lose track of time and forget to eat. Then, my blood sugar is low or I feel light headed because I haven't had much insulin. It doesn't really sound like that much work but it is. Any other college student can just run around and eat whenever they get time. It's not that simple for diabetics.

The things they don't tell you...

Being diagnosed with diabetes when I was 11 years old was very hard. I got my treatment and education for diabetes at AI Dupont Hospital in Wilmington, DE. Everyone there did a great job helping me transition from a "normal" life, to diabetic life. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that there are some things they DID NOT tell me and some things that misled me.
When I was getting my training with the diabetes educators, they taught me how to count carbs. They did not tell me that sometimes, no matter how accurate you are at carb counting, some foods will still make your blood sugar spike. For example, when I eat pizza and pasta I am pretty good at figuring out how many carbs is them, but within an hour my blood sugar rises higher than normal. 
When I was discharged from the hospital, they told me I could have a 15 grams of carbs "free" snack. Which meant, I could eat something that wasn't more than 15 grams of carbs and I didn't have to give myself insulin for it. Looking back on that, it makes no sense as to why I could that! You would be surprised by how much 15 grams of carbs raises your blood sugar.
 I was misled to think that I could eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I guess that is true but if I don't want my blood sugar to go through the roof, I really have to watch what I eat and make sure I count carbs as accurately as possible. For example, at parties there is usually a lot of delicious food and everyone snacks on everything. I have found that I can't do that without my blood sugar going through the roof. Even if I give myself insulin, my blood sugar still is high. I eventually lose track of what I eat or my insulin can't keep up with my constant snacking.
 The major thing they didn't tell me was that insulin makes you gain weight. The more insulin you get, the more weight you are going to gain. When I was younger, I got about 50-60 units of insulin a day. Now, I get about 80-100 units a day. That is A lot of insulin being used and I have gained a lot of weight (40 lbs. in two years). The last few weeks or so I have cut my insulin down to about 65-80 units a day and I have lost some weight since this started. It's not a lot of weight but it's enough that I noticed! I watch to see how many grams of carbs I am eating, because the more carbs I get the more insulin I get.
I'm sure that there are a few other things that I could think of that the diabetes educators did not tell me or misled me about. If I think of them I will write another post!

Can I tear out my Pancreas?!

I really wish I cold tear out my pancreas! My blood sugars are never stable and I really don't have any hope that they will be. For about the last week my blood sugars have been going low several times a day. I haven't had much of an appetite so I haven't been eating as much so I think that probably has something to do with it. But usually my blood sugars are higher than they are suppose to be. Now, when I get my blood sugar to a normal level, they drop again. It's like I can't ever win. There is never a happy medium when it comes to having diabetes. Atleast not for me anyway. I need to call my endocronologist but I know as soon as he changes my basal rates and all that good stuff, I will be running high again. So, would I rather have high blood sugars or low blood sugars?
Diabetes interferes with EVERYTHING in my life. Last night at work, I got in trouble because I went on break before I was told to. No, I didn't ask to go on break but my blood sugar was low anyway so I didn't have much of a choice.
Before I started having a lot of lows, I would wake up in the morning feeling good and I would have energy when I got out of bed. But now, I have no energy and I am finding it very hard to get out of bed every morning. I don't really have much energy during the day either. I just want to sleep. This crap has been pissing me off a lot lately. I do not want to have diabetes anymore!

Dangerously low blood sugar today!

Today, I figured out just how important my Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor really is. The sensors usually last for 7 days before you have to change them. My 7 days was up last night. I didn't put another one on because it takes 2 hours to get it to start reading and I honestly did not feel like waiting 2 hours. I was ready for bed! This morning, I put a new sensor back on. I went about my day cleaning, etc. while I waited for that 2 hour window to be gone. I got really tired all of a sudden but I didn't think anything of it. Other than being tired I felt fine. I was sitting at my computer and I started to feel a little shakey. I didn't feel horrible so I just thought my blood sugar was about 60-70..that's not too low for me. I check my blood sugar and surprisingly my blood sugar was a dangerous 32! This really got me thinking about how important my CGM is to me. Usually, my CGM will alert me when I go below 70. Even when my CGM is reading in the 50's or lower, I don't really feel it. I don't really feel shakey or like something is wrong. So, this kind of scares me a little bit. My blood sugar was 32 and I didn't really feel weird at all. This is dangerous. Without my CGM, how many times would I have gone that low or how many times would I be in the ER because I passed out because of this?
I think I have what's called hypoglycemia unawareness. Hypoglycemia unawareness is when a diabetic doesn't have the usual warning symptoms of low blood sugar. Pretty scarey..
Below is a link explaining Hypoglycemia Unawareness.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypoglycemia-unawareness/MY01835

Ah! Ketones!

Yay ketones!!!...not. I feel like crap! My blood sugars have been running normal so I'm not sure why I have ketones. For those who don't know, that dark square is supposed to be tan and It's dark purple..not good :(